Day 38
Hope in the Dark
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? [Romans 8:24]
Have you ever been afraid of drowning? Most of us would probably say yes. It’s a pretty common fear, right?
But I’m not talking about a fear of drowning in water. I used to feel like I was drowning in the middle of the grocery store, in the park on a sunny afternoon, sometimes in my own living room.
I had just given birth to our second baby about a month before, and by that fourth or fifth postpartum week, I was drowning in depression. I would sometimes literally raise my arms up in hopes that God would reach down and pull me out of the depths of my despair. I had never experienced such a deep, dark, hopeless depression like this, and most days my thoughts were so scattered I felt like I couldn’t even pray!
So, I began to pray like this: “Help! Help! Help!” and I knew God knew the rest. I started to get more and more desperate for a way out, something to help me get through the long, tearful, anxiety-ridden days, something to help me to be able to care for my husband and two older children even though I felt like a total wreck, inside and out. But through all that time as I cried out to God, over and over again I heard one simple phrase whispered back to me: “I will heal you.” I wanted to shout, “When? How? Why do I have to be in this place any longer? Why won’t you just heal me right now, Lord? WHY?”
Looking back I can see now that He was healing me, slowly but surely. Only God knows why we have to go through those times and only He can use them for good. He taught me many things through that difficult time when things were so dark I felt like I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. He taught me that my husband will love me and stand by me no matter what. He taught me that it’s okay to let my children see me weep and be imperfect and needy for the Lord. He taught me that it’s okay to accept the help, kindness and charity from other believers. But most of all, He taught me to hope in Him and that He will ALWAYS be there with me, even in the darkest of times.
Question to Consider
Recall a dark time where I wondered why God allowed it to happen. What did He teach me during that time? If I feel I’m waiting on God to deliver me through a hard time right now, have I asked Him for help and healing?
Prayer
Lord, thank You so much for being with me always, in good times and hard times. Thank You for being more than worthy of my trust and hope and for loving me and healing me.
